tAN rANT  

    "Oh, I'm so pale, I'm usually so tan."  Bitch bitch bitch.  What the hell are these people complaining about?  You know what I see when I see normally light skinned people with dark tans?  I see leather.  Leather, skin cancer and wrinles.  Ultraviolet rays penetrate these people's skin and cause cancer, premature ageing and an all over unhealthy glow.

    Be pale. Be pale, pretty and avoid the Sun.  Tan people make me sick.  "Yeah, sure I want to waste time I could be using to make a difference in the world with sitting on my big fat ass in the sun.  Yeah, I want to risk burning myself painfully, getting blisters and peeling skin which terribly destroys my body's first natural defence against infection and disease.  Yeah I want to cook my skin like a sausage, so I can get skin cancer and lose various facial features to flesheating cancer cells.  Yeah, I want to darken my naturally pale skin so I look like a field worker, and cover my skin with unnattractive discontinuations on my skin tones.  Yeah I want to tan my skin like leather so that when I get older, people won't have to guess at my age, since because of my rotten fruit appearance, they will automatically assume I am ten years older than I am.Yeah, Sign me up for a tanning bed.  Sign me up for some tanning oil.  Sign me up for whatever it takes to get a tan."

    Give me a break.  Give me a big fucking break right now.  I LIKE being pale. I ENJOY not looking like a shoe.  I LIKE being reflective.  I won't get skin cancer.  I will have beautiful skin my whole life.  The money I spend on sunblock now, will save me thousands of dollars on wrinkle creams and all the other crap the tan people will try to remove their wrinkles with.. Too bad they don't work.  Too bad the damage is already done.  Your skin is already fucked up beyond repair.

    Be pale.  Be true to your skin tones.  Buy sunblock and a hat.  Stay out of the sun.  The sun is a big pain in the ass.